Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize