Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
