My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
