I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
