Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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