we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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