The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize