just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
