So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
