If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
