Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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