Banned from zoo.
Again?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
