I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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