Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
