Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
