So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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