my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
