Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
