I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
