No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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