my vag is so smooth its legendary
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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