Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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