My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
