Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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