also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
