That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
