I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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