I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
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She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
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I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize