ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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