Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
