I just made out with a guy for $7.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
