The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think my vagina is haunted
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
