now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm sobbing to NWA
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
