i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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