the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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