Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
