He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
