Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
