so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
