I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
