I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
