2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Who died my cat blue again?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
