The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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