you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
