2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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