I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
