why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
