tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
