Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
