I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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