Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize