i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
