you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
