Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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