also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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