The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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