Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
