Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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