I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
