You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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