At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
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I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
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She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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