hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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