What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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