and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize