i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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