Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
