Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
