She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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