im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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