Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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