Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
