my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
