Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
