I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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