You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
