I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just had sex bonerless
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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