Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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