found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
