I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize