Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
dude. I can hear the air.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
