Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
